Most of us have been there, lying in bed, having an incredible fantasy and only wishing that somebody would walk through the door who has the same thoughts. The most frustrating part is that you know that there is somebody somewhere in the world who is ready for that exact same thing that you are wishing for. There is also the case that you have a specific wish that you do not even dare to tell your friends. Because they might judge you, but also because you don’t want to live this fantasy with your friends. So the question becomes, how do you find somebody with the same fantasies?
People You Know
If you’re in luck you have friends or colleagues that are open-minded and speak freely about their thoughts and desires. However, in most cases your sexual fantasies are not a topic of conversation with your neighbor or your boss. And even if you have a friend that you confide in, mixing friendship with erotic fantasies can be really risky. If you have a flirty relationship with somebody, you can always say it like it was a joke. So something like “Yeah sure, being tied up is something that I always wanted (laughter laughter)”, so you can always say that you were just kidding, and then just see if it resonates with the other person.
The bar or the club is generally speaking not a great place to talk about specific fantasies. Often people are on their guard, men and women look at each other with some distance. Talking about fantasies isn’t something that smooths things out when you are in an uncomfortable situation. And yes, some of us are chatters and make easy contact in a bar situation and just chat away. But then you would need to have all the luck to meet someone who fits your needs, someone that matches.
And if it is a bar that you want to visit more often, it is maybe not a good idea to just try every person in the room to see how they feel about your ideas. There are some situations where there is more wiggle room for this, for instance when you are on a holiday in a foreign country, in a bar with possibly also other fellow travelers. If you know how to bring it, you might try and mention it!
Erotic Courses and Private Clubs
Going places where like-minded people come together is a great way of finding a match in real life. So if you want to try bondage for instance for the first time, you can sign up for a bondage tie knotting course. Of course you could do this course online, but if you meet up in real life you actually meet other types of people who will feel the same way.
The same goes for private erotic clubs. If you have a sexual fantasy and you want to meet other people who are actively on the lookout, you can go to a place where there is an atmosphere of sexuality, and where people also have sex if they want to. It is often very relaxed, and you can just go and hang out at the bar with a drink and check everything out and then decide what you want to do with it. Probably before you even finished your drink you are chatting with somebody, and you will find that it is then so much easier to express your desires and fantasies.
There are also resorts on holiday destinations where it is allowed in some areas to be unclothed, and it is allowed to have sex.
Online Dating Websites
If going to a club is a bit too much for you, or there simply isn’t any near where you live, there is always the possibility to look for someone from your own safe home place. Online dating websites are a perfect way of finding somebody who is looking for the same thing. Secret Dare is an adult dating website where you can also search on fantasy. So you can make a profile, go to the search feature and tick the checkbox of the fantasy that you have. So with a few clicks you have a list of people the other into the same thing that you are, and are actively looking at this right moment.
We also created some way so that you could fulfill some of your fantasies online without having to meet up. You can play our Truth or Dare game with strangers online to experiment with submission or dominance for instance, or express your exhibitionism. Or use Videochat for more direct interaction.
We wrote an article on safe gay erotic dating, which can be tricky for gay people. We gave some tips and tricks on how to navigate that.